Teddington RFC 2^nd XV    14 Vs 72  A.G.S.C.        

Back Row –     T.Rooke, C.Pratt, N.Jeffries*, E.Templeton*, K.Pike, O.Fowlston, R.Wynn, J.Holt, J.Packer

Front Row –     Ben.*, J.Weir, D.Weir (capt.), R.Parker, S.Pike, 

* Guest Player

Keast the Beast is meticulous in his preparation as match manager, almost Woodward-esque in the way he leaves no stone unturned. This normally means 20 players, including four front row players and a variety of forwards and backs on the bench, typically composed of the ‘One Half Cowboys’ and the ’20 Minuters’. A perfect balance. Not so this time. Only 14 players for a London fixture. Disappointing to say the least. The only possible explanation is an oversight on his part cramming the fixture in between an exhausting beach holiday in Malaysia and more wine tasting with work in Bordeaux. A bruising schedule in anyone’s diary.

Ben ** , physio to many of the nations best athletes ***, Ollie East ***, was invited as a guest player by match manager, Keast, who quite clearly had been meticulous in his own personal preparation ensuring his physio was on hand should he suffer further damage to his neck whilst touch judging.

“The Claw has returned from the frozen North breathing flames of
Theakston's Old peculiar and Cutter's Choice! Let the men of Teddington quake in their boots when the Horn of Bruton is sounded!” Dan Hammond – March 2006

One of the most anticipated rugby comebacks of all time (narrowly behind that of Jonah Lomu’s recent return from a life threatening kidney infection) is the return of Dan ‘The Claw’ Hammond. Unfortunately due to a last minute fitness test at his personal training centre, the smoky den that is, The Ram, in Bath, proved unsuccessful and his comeback will have to wait until after another summer. Indeed, the news was broken to captain Duncan Weir via match manager Keast who explained to Weiro no less, that he had some tragic news. The tone and severity of Keast’s message led Weiro to think that one of his cider brothers had been involved in some sort of fatal accident. It is just an indication of the huge disappointment to many of The Claw’s loyal fans, who must continue to be patient.

A precarious start by the Growers left them 7-0 down after five minutes. The Teddington pack out muscled their Growers counterparts flawlessly executing the rolling maul to go over for the first try. There was no panic from any of the 14 visitors and The Growers soon settled into their expansive game attacking from wide positions, spreading it away from the Teddington pack at every occasion.

Fowlston made numerous breaks at 10 starting much of the good attacking play. The Teddington back line was continually found wanting as Rookie, Weiro Jnr, Wynnit and Ben *** repeatedly stretched their defence creating holes from which to attack.

The 1993 1^st XV half back combination of Jamie Weir and Ollie Fowlston was reunited for the first time in 13 years. No one would have guessed it had been so long. Both still knew each other’s game inside out. Weir knows that Fowlston wants the ball in his hands at every phase, and Fowlston knows that Weir will frustratingly spend half of the phases making effective darting and snipping runs from the base of the pack.

Fowlston was commanding at 10 using his boot effectively from penalties making good ground and never kicking possession away in open play but running everything. He was the deserved man of the match receiving the jacket from waterboy Luke Lloyd-Davies and upheld the theory that the jacket is a snug fit on all its recipients.

Fowlston’s housemate, Kiwi Nathan Jeffries was a refreshing change from the usual wandering New Zealander. He doesn’t work behind a bar, and he didn’t feel the need to talk like Bill or Ted during his bogus journey in England but no doubt he is having an excellent adventure while he is over here. However, he was as archetypical as a New Zealander gets when it came to the physicality of the sport. With big hitter Jim Knowling away on drinking duty somebody had to fill his impressive shoes to make the one memorable hit of the match. Nathan more than simply filled his shoes in this department by smashing the Teddington No.8, Apple Grower Rob Weir, in ferocious fashion. You could hear Dr. Weir and his two brothers gasp at the sight of the hit and again sigh with relief as he got up. Rob’s cries in the bar afterwards claiming he received a hospital pass fell on deaf ears as clearly the Magners were starting to take effect congratulating himself on managing not to lose possession. Congratulations to Nathan on winning the Mickey Skinner Munch of the Match award wrestling the trophy off Knowling for the first time in the history of the award.

Nathan made up a superbly balanced back row with Pratty Jnr and Pikey Snr. Pratty, a master at stealing the ball from a ruck situation, proved as usual to be the best support runner the Growers have, supporting every player who made a break. Pikey Snr, in contrast, is a master of the dark arts of the front row and a ball carrier in the back row of immense talent and again showed his class with another top performance. This strong back row had pushed Juan Paco into the engine room with guest player Ed Templeton. They helped form an effective front five with ‘Porn King’ Rory Parker, Pikey Jnr and PC Holt. Set piece scrum showed no signs of weakness despite loosing its no.8 at every scrum due to the Growers back line being a player short. Parker stole several scrums against the head and the Teddington lineout was disrupted on numerous occasions.

After try number one by Weiro, the floodgates opened and the Growers amassed an impressive *** tries. Soon after Weiro had rediscovered the try line after a six month injury he then finished off his own break with a striking dive over the 5m line for his second and completed his hat-trick in the second half touching down in the corner after running three yards into touch beforehand. A unique hat-trick worth 7 points and Dick of the Day.

Teddington RFC, despite their heavy defeat, were terrific hosts after the game and during the evening. A shipment of Magners Cider had been ordered from Ireland especially for the fixture to quench the Growers all conquering thirst for apples. Their clubhouse had clearly been pre-warned unlike *** in Teddington where the situation became desperate and the display bottles of Magners were all that were left for the taking. Needless to say they were polished off in the carnage. Every Growers fixture creates new records and landmarks. It is doubtable whether the Barmy Arms in Twickenham has every heard a live rendition of all sixty four verses of American Pie and four hundred and twenty three repeated choruses of Daydream Believer.

 The Growers thank Teddington for a great day and the many supporters who once again turned out in their numbers. Season ticket holders Kate Sedgeman and Charlie Campbell were spotted amongst some the Apple Growers London Supporters Club of which Mark Fitzgerald is a regular and the usual assembled gaggle of Growers’ girlfriends and wives.

Rob Weir becomes the first member of Apple Growers Sport Club to play against the Growers. Nothing to be proud of!

Pictured hear with his two younger brothers Duncan and Jamie.