Milton Abbey School,

12th November 2006

Man of the Match: Alex Holding-Parsons

Team: K.Pike (capt.), S.Hanley*, W.Carew-Gibbs, A.Holding-Parsons, J.Holding-Parsons, F.Lee, C.Price, C.Burden, M.Green, A.Lund, D.Weir, N.Fell, R.Wynn, T.Hayes, H.Froud, J.Booth*, M.Laing, O.East, H.Douglas

*Guest player

The Hornets 8 vs 41 Applegrowers

Tries: Froud, Lund x2, Fell, Weir, Green

Pens: Lund

Cons: Lund x4

It has been said before and it is worthy of another mention: Milton Abbey has to be one of the most picturesque settings for rugby or cricket. The Abbey, the school, the tuck shop posse and the quality of the pitch make for a fantastic Remembrance Sunday rugby match. After last year's debacle in which the Growers lost to the Hornets 15-0, leaving copious amounts of egg on the club's face, there was definitely a score to settle. Who knows what the reasons were for last year's tragedy? Well everyone, actually. The club officially blamed match manager Marco Laing for poor organisation and for not even bothering to turn up himself. Such were the repercussions Club Chairman Olly East had even suggested scrapping the fixture.

It was agreed however in committee circles that it just needed a good enthusiastic match manager to sort the fixture out, and that Gibbsy had the balls to take the job on. Anyone on the 2005 Jersey tour who witnessed what appeared to be two watermelons in a supermarket shopping bag protruding from his flies in the Hotel Rex underground bar at 3am can confirm the committee's thoughts.

They were not let down. Buster Gibbsy and His Unfeasibly Large Testicles was boasting on the Thursday before the game about the talent in his squad, and that the sheer numbers he had assembled totalled a possible 26. Injuries and no-shows left the match day squad at just 19. Not bad. 4 more than last year.

The most mysterious of the no shows was Dan "Superstar" Hawkes. In response to this, an official spokesperson of AGSC announced: "Dan "Superstar" Hawkes is officially demoted to "just one of the lads", and his superstar nickname has been scrapped from this moment on. A non-appearance with no explanation during the cricket season and now the rugby has left many of his fans very disappointed. Having said all that, we very much look forward to his next appearance in a Growers shirt". [Well said]

There was no need to panic as Duncan "Superstar" Weir had brought his kit along, and the self-proclaimed Austin Healey of AGSC slotted into inside centre with Lundy finally getting his long awaited chance at fly half.

When it comes to the warm up nothing changes. A game of touch for everyone; the forwards have a serious and intense run through of the lineouts; the backs have the job of spying on the opposition across the way, while practicing moves with their usual lacklustre effort that have been run through thousands of times since mini rugby days, still complementing each other on the great lines of running and ignoring the fact that if there is no opposition how do you know it's a great line?

Egg soon made a reappearance on the Growers faces but this time in different circumstances - the huddle in the changing room was cut short after a nasty sulphuric gas explosion in Weiro's shorts. A rushed exit from the changing room resulted in an average start on the pitch.

It took 10 minutes for the Growers to get into their stride but when they did, it was some of the best rugby the Growers have played in a long time. Despite all the effort the forwards put into lineout practice before the game the lineout didn't function as smoothly as in the past. The first try however came from the lineout, with the platform firmly laid by 8 foot 9 Charlie Price (Europipe winner 05/06) without him even having to jump. Lundy orchestrated the Growers attacking play with ease, and blind side wing "Planet" Froud flew over the line between the posts after a clever inside ball from Lund. From that moment on it was one-way traffic until the last 15 minutes of the match. Tries followed from Fell, himself a strong contender for Europipe 06/07 (who went off after claiming to be concussed but later admitted he was knackered), Green and Weir, and Lund bagged a couple for himself with a few show-and-go manoeuvres.

The Growers set piece scrum was superb. The pack won almost every scrum during the whole match regardless of whose feed it was, and there is no better platform for the backs to run from. The try of match came in the second half, similar in style to the try scored two years ago by the Growers at Milton Abbey. All fifteen players touched the ball, drawing players and offloading in the tackle with hands that Dan Carter would be proud of and, as shown two years ago, Weir has a knack of finishing them off and he went over the line in front of the tuck shop posse.

Captain Pike substituted himself afterwards, leaving Gibbsy to captain the Growers for the first time on English soil. It all went to his head as an over enthusiastic Hornets flanker started some "afters" with Gibbsy, who took the law into in own hands by pinning him to the floor and lashing out with some haymakers. Southy could be heard cracking the whip from the sideline and it became clear that Gibbsy was in for some punishment that night ...if Southy chose to give him such pleasure.

Despite this disruption to what had been a clean and "friendly" match played in the right spirit, it was not the most disgraceful event of the day. That award goes to Rhys Wynn. Wynnit has been heavily involved in church league football in recent weeks and the clergy has had its influence in his rugby. Still drunk from the night before, he got his just desserts with a fractured thumb after admitting he had tried to insert it into one of the Hornets where the sun doesn't shine. A first and hopefully last for AGSC.

Again the Growers allowed The Hornets to score some points late on to ensure future fixtures. Their ginger flyer, who famously threw up on the pitch last year, ran in a try in the corner. Perhaps one of the strangest decisions of the game was the Hornets going for goal despite being behind by 30 points with 7 minutes to go. Possibly a case of numerical dyslexia creeping into their rugby as well as their classrooms. Great to see debutants Tom Hayes, Fred Lee and the Holding-Parsons brothers play with such passion in their first match, and Alex Holding-Parsons's constant work around the park earned him a well deserved Man of the Match Award. Unfortunately there was no "passing of the jacket ceremony" for him, but rumour has it a new jacket has been unearthed ready for Rosslyn to bring the ceremonial tradition back to the forefront of the après match festivities.

Forget the toils and troubles of England and Bath, the mighty Growers are on the rampage this season. Bring on Rosslyn Park ...(4ths)!